THE SIMPSONS TOP TEN

We all have our favourites.

The Simpsons is the epitome of all things pop culture. For years it's delivered classic comedy moments and perfectly-placed usages of satire.

Astonishingly, the show is now entering its 28th season, but some have argued it should have quit while it was ahead. Personally, I'd have to agree - anything between season 2 and 13 is downright genius; anything after seems to fail through trying too hard to duplicate previous success.

So here's a list of the top ten episodes that fit into that successful category.

DAS BUS
Season 9, Episode 14

This homage to Lord of the Flies sees Bart, Lisa and a few other kids from Springfield Elementary stranded on a remote island. As the kids try not to kill each other after being thrown into disorder and the absence of parents, Homer becomes inspired to make money from the internet and gets a visit from Microsoft founder, Bill Gates. What's great about this episode is that it presents real personality clashes from the younger characters of the show that are usually just background fillers. It's also hilarious to see a character such as Homer try to primitively get his head around the internet at a time when the concept of it was still new and mysterious.

Best line:
Ralph: "I ated the purple berries. Oawh, urghh."
Bart: "How are they, Ralph? Good?"
Ralph: "They taste like burning."

BOY SCOUTZ 'N THE HOOD
Season 5, Episode 8

This episode is vintage Simpsons because it throws Bart and Homer in the same boat, literally. After a sugar binge, Bart finds that he's joined the Junior Campers. Homer relishes in the fact Bart isn't having the best of time after his sugar-fueled decision is considered lame. Led by Ned (Homer's self-proclaimed enemy), Bart's Junior Campers' experience teaches him how to catch prey and use a pocketknife. Eventually, an expedition arises, which requires Homer's service; much to the displeasure of Bart. The Simpson duo, along with Ned and his son (I forget which one) take a wrong turn in a raft down a river with hilarious consequences. Like many episodes, this one is littered with pop culture references including a brief appearance from Jason Voorhees.

Best line:
Ned: "Well, it's Bart Simpson - come on in! You're just in time for 'Sponge Bath the Old Folks' Day!"
Jasper: "Help yourself, but stay above the equator!"

HOMER THE GREAT
Season 6, Episode 12

Homer begins to notice Lenny and Carl enjoying numerous, unexplained privileges. He soon finds they're both part of a secret society known as the Stonecutters (a parody of the Freemasons). After suffering a painful initiation process, Homer becomes a member, but in typical fashion ruins it for himself. Funnily enough, it is revealed that Homer possesses a birthmark in the shape of the Stonecutter emblem and subsequently becomes 'The Chosen One'. Again though, luckless Homer soon angers his Stonecutter bredrin, who then form a new society: 'The Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers' - Great title, I know. This episode is something else and provides one of the best music numbers in the entire series.

Best line:
Marge: "I don't want you stalking anyone tonight!"
Homer: "Oh okay - have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. I'm... Going outside... To... Stalk... Lenny and Carl. Doh!"

22 SHORT FILMS ABOUT SPRINGFIELD
Season 7, Episode 21

Now and again, The Simpsons break off from the famous 5 and branch out to delve into the lives of Springfield's other beloved residents. This episode is self-explanatory; it basically tells multiple short stories, which includes Dr. Nick's incompetence, Apu partying it up, Principal Skinner attempting to pass off fast food as his own home cooking, and several Pulp Fiction spoofs. The thing about this episode that makes it so great is that when you watch as a young kid, you don't really understand the jokes throughout, but I implore anyone to watch it now they're older. It really is the closest The Simpsons ever got to perfection - it's one of the best animated episodes, ever! Heck, this episode is one of a kind.

Best line:
[Superintendant Chalmers sees Principal Skinner's kitchen on fire]
Superintendant Chalmers: "Good Lord, what is happening in there?"
Principal Skinner: "The Aurora Borealis?"
Superintendant Chalmers: "The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localised entirely within your kitchen?"
Principal Skinner: "Yes."
Superintendant Chalmers: "May I see it?"
Principal Skinner: "No."

THE CITY OF NEW YORK VS. HOMER SIMPSON
Season 9, Episode 1

The Simpsons' launched its ninth season back in September 1997 with Homer and the family having to travel to New York City and retrieve Homer's car after it was illegally parked on the World Trade Center Plaza. Firstly, we find that Homer feels an unusual deep-rooted hatred to the Big Apple and is reluctant to go because of a few bad memories upon his first and only visit there. Alas, this episode heavily concentrates the majority of its screen time around the World Trade Center. Post-September 11, Fox and many other channels actually stopped showing it, and it still rarely gets shown in the UK because of the sensitivity around it, but it is an engaging and well-written episode that should be rightly shown as frequently as any other. Perhaps, the episode should be shown with a pre-disclaimer for persons who may find it understandably upsetting.

Best line:

Khlav Kalesh Guy: "Mountain Dew or Crab Juice."

Homer: "Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice."

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR V

Season 6, Episode 6

Out of all the Treehouse of Horror episodes, this is by far the best one, and probably one of the best episodes of a great sixth season. It presented in three segments, the first being a parody of The Shining (1980), where the family are caretakers of Mr Burns' mansion. The second is about Homer creating a time machine from an old toaster, where he arrives at a world overthrown by the devout Evangelical Christian, Ned Flanders. The second segment actually has a fantastic and memorable line said by Maggie, but voiced by James Earl Jones: "This is indeed a disturbing Universe." The final segment is Nightmare Cafeteria: a story about schoolkids who go mysteriously missing, which is because their being served to the other kids at dinnertime; a pretty disturbing thought when you think about it. Also, a running gag throughout the episode is Groundskeeper Willie getting axed in the back in all the segments.

Best line:

Lisa: "Bart, does it strike you as odd that Uter disappeared and suddenly they're serving us this mysterious food called Uterbraten?"

Principal Skinner: "Oh relax kids, I've got a gut feeling Uter's around here somewhere hahahahaha, after all isn't there a little Uter in all of us? Hahahaha. In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter, and he's in our stomachs... Right now! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Wait, scratch that one."

HOMER THE HERETIC

Season 4, Episode 3

Homer has the greatest Sunday morning after he skips church and decides to stay home instead. After skipping church becomes a regular Sunday ritual, Homer decides to start his own religion of 'lazying about'. He later pays for his actions after a visit from God and a couple of hilarious run-ins with Ned and Reverend Lovejoy. Although the episode is essentially using satire to 'poke fun' at religion, it is never offensive to those of faith. The message of Homer the Heretic is that practising religion should make you want to be a better person not force you to be.

Best line:

Homer: "I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?"

BEHIND THE LAUGHTER

Season 11, Episode 22

Another parody; another episode of The Simpsons. A unique conclusion to season 11 presents an outstanding parody of VH1's Behind the Music series. This episode basically provides a view of events 'behinds the camera' - a world where all the characters are actors. It shows how the dysfunctional family became famous and how they've individually succumbed to the pressures of fame, including the dark side of fame; and it ain't pretty. Behind the Laughter is a risky episode because it's an off-continuity conceptual idea, which isn't exactly original, but the comedy is done so perfectly that, we as the audience forget the episode doesn't even have a plot, so to speak. It's definitely one of the greats.

Best line:

Krusty the Clown: "Homer gave me a kidney. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due. But still a lovely gesture!"

HOMER'S ENEMY

Season 8, Episode 23

Ah, Frank 'Grimey' Grimes: Homer's enemy for obvious reasons to everyone but the man himself. Frank Grimes is a character from the series who is only in one episode (except for a flashback in Season 14, Episode 6), but is forever memorable to be one of the unluckiest people throughout The Simpsons' universe. Frank Grimes loathes Homer because he comes across as an irresponsible, lazy, selfish person who has completely got by in life purely on luck. Frank has had to work tirelessly his entire life and he realises he hasn't achieved a morsel of what Homer's achieved. Frank feels personally cheated by Homer's oafish ways and wonders how he has gone to outer space, met countless celebrities, has a large home, a wife and three children, of which Grimey realises is everything compared to what he has: a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley. Throughout, you feel sorry for Grimey, but you just can't blame Homer, who is completely unaware of how annoying he is coming across. The episode ends in a hilariously dark way with everyone still blissfully unaware that Homer is in fact an idiot. And guess what? He's in charge of safety at Springfield's Nuclear Power Plant and has been for 10 years... An undeniably well-written episode, which would definitely be in any Simpson's fans top 5.

Best line:

Homer: "... And here's a picture of me in outer space."
Frank Grimes: "You? Went into outer space? You?!"
Homer: "Sure. You've never been?" Would you like to see my Grammy Award?"
Frank Grimes: "NO! I wouldn't!"

YOU ONLY MOVE TWICE

Season 8, Episode 2

Unequivocally and undeniably the best Simpsons episode ever. Homer is offered a new job with Globex Corporation in Cypress Creek. Homer's new boss, Hank Scorpio is seemingly perfect and treats him as an equal. However, it soon comes apparent that Scorpio is a James Bond-esque villain, who is uncomprimisingly polite to Homer, but is insistent for world domination. Like Frank Grimes, Hank Scorpio is likable and definitely one of the shows greatest one-off characters. Whilst Homer is unwittingly succeeding at work, the rest of the family are struggling in their new surroundings because of different, but equally hilarious reasons. The episode guides the audience entirely through Homer's perspective, but just hints enough about the inner-workings of the 'James Bond versus super-evil villain' state of affairs, which is taking part in the background. There is an incredibly funny moment where Homer inadvertently thwarts a parody of James Bond escaping, and Homer merely describes his as an "interloper" to his family later that night. The episode is brilliantly executed because the audience see a Bond-like show, but presented from the villain's point of view, and all in typical Simpsons fashion. Truly an animated masterpiece.

Best line:

Hank Scorpio: "By the way, Homer, what's your least favourite country? Italy or France?"

Homer: "France."

[Scorpio adjusts a giant laser cannon pointing towards the sky]

Hank Scorpio: "Heh heh heh. Nobody ever says Italy..."

THE UNMISTAKABLE AND LEGENDARY, JACK BLACK

I know what you're thinking: "Is Jack Black dead??!" No, he's not. I just wanted to write an article about one of my generations' saviours and most-underrated comedy actors.

Jack Black, born Thomas Jacob Black started his acting career, like many actors, with a handful of small roles. The only difference being was his small roles were in very-well known films such as the action-packed Stalone versus Snipes flick, "Demolition Man" (1993), "The Neverending Story III" (1994) and if you watch the 1995 blockbuster "Waterworld" again, keep an eye out in the "Death from Above" scene and who might that be piloting the flying rusty bucket of bolts? It's Teacious D's lead vocalist himself!

After doing himself justice alongside Giovanni Ribisi in the "X-Files" episode "D.P.O., Black finally got his big break in comedies "The Cable Guy" (1996) and Tim Burton's Sci-Fi classic "Mars Attacks" (1996). From that point on, the only way was up and between then and 2002, he starred as tech geek, Fiedler alongside Will Smith and Gene Hackman in "Enemy of the State" (1998), music-buff, Barry Judd in "High Fidelity" (2000), hilarious burnout, Lance Brumder in "Orange County" (2002), and who can forget the overweight, high-standards and shallow, Hal in 2001's Shallow Hal; a film many have described as being ahead of its time.

Hal: There's Rosemary.
Mauricio: Where?
Hal: Right there!
Mauricio: Is she behind the Rhino?

Up next is arguably Black's most successful role. I give you "School of Rock" (2003). His character, Dewey Finn, a wannabe rock star - takes his friend Ned’s place as a substitute teacher and encourages rebellion to a bunch of kids at a strict private elementary school. At first, he gives his pupils free time, upon discovering the musical talent of the class, and decides to teach them with rock music. Not only this, but Black maintains his flamboyant humour as the rouge Dewey Finn, whilst also teaching the class the importance of body acceptance and a few more life lessons along the way (see quote below).

"Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can’t win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you’re just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don’t know the Man. He’s everywhere. In the White House… down the hall… Ms. Mullins, she’s the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he’s burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank!" - Dewey Finn

The success of "School of Rock" in both the US and UK sent Jack Black to A-List actor stratosphere, which would see him star in DreamWorks Animation classic, Shark Tale (2004), Peter Jackson's multiple Oscar-winning action-packed, King Kong (2005), and even his band, Tenacious D leaped from TV to the big screen with The Pick of Destiny (2006); a film inspired by their single "Tribute" from their 2002 self-titled debut album.

A still from Tenacious D's music video, "Tribute"

Sticking with comedy, Jack starred in the hit-and-miss "Nacho Libre" (2006) and - much like the man himself - the immensely undervalued, "Tropic Thunder" (2008). Other notable roles were in the form of dud comedies, "Year One" (2009) and "Gulliver's Travels"(2010) - a film very loosely based on Part One of the 18th-century novel of the same name by Jonathan Swift. From 2008 up until now, Jack Black has mostly been associated with the Dragon Warrior Po, in the animated trilogy "Kung Fu Panda 1, 2 & 3".

Jack Black as Jeff Portnoy in "Tropic Thunder"

"Ku Fu Panda 1, 2 & 3" included characters voiced by Jackie Chan, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Dustin Hoffman, Gary Oldman, and Ian McShane

Recently though, it's been publicised that Black has fallen out of love with acting and stated his boredom has stemmed from him constantly being typecasting as a, 'lovable loser'. Well I for one can refute that nonsense. He has been an absolute hero for me growing up in the late 90's and Noughties. And I can't wait to see what role he'll play in 2017's re-imaging of the 1995 film, "Jumanji"...

Cheers Jack.

BRITISH FILMS: DIVIDED-DECADES OF THE PAST

In July 2010, it was announced that the UK Film Council would effectively close, which some referred to as 'the end of the British film industry'. The sad fact is, this is arguably the case now, as there hasn't really been any great British films for a good while now. Why? Because there's no money in films that are 'too British' - what ever that means. In Hollywood for example, there's just no room for 'Brit pics' with recognisable English working-class characters. It's a shame really.

That's not to say there isn't talent. One has to only turn to British film director / writer Christopher Nolan, who has gone on to shoot Memento, Inception, The Prestige, The Dark Knight Trilogy and, of course, Interstellar.

Christopher Nolan on-set - Interstellar

Now, Nolan's films are all world-renowned, but maybe that is where lies the problem - they all share the same demographic; everyone! What there is a lack of in today's cinema is true representations of either the British way of life, or British history that are also directed by a Brit. At the Oscars this is ever-present. The Oscar's infatuation with royalty causes blind spots for so many other British films. When both released, The Queen (2006) and The King's Speech (2010) found such favour with Oscar voters, whilst other British films released in 2006 and 2010 passed under the American Academy radar.

Helen Mirren played The Queen in the 2006 biopic

Films about the monarchy are representing us Brits on a global stage, whilst other, truer depictions of the majority 99% of the UK are (most of the time) tossed aside. This could be good reasoning why everyone in The States or mainland Europe think we all live in big ol' castles and drink tea with our pinky finger pricked. This transatlantic tunnel vision was firmly in the spotlight when Ken Loach's 2006 Palme d'Or winner The Wind that Shakes the Barley didn't even get an Oscar nomination. Loach now 80 - who didn't even get the chance to battle it out with The Queen all those years ago - also ironically directed The Smiths' video 'The Queen is Dead', which is probably the reason for his absence from the Oscar's hall of fame. He's yet to receive a single nomination.

There are however some films in this over-looked category that are thankfully great British classics, which we can rightly be proud of, because of their screenplays that show defiance against The Ruling-Class.

Pirate Radio (2009) - decade set: the cultured 60's
Director: Richard Curtis

Original titled The Boat that Rocked, it is a film inspired by the pirate radio era of the early-1960's. By all means not Oscar worthy, the nostalgic film is set in 1966 on a stationary ship that is anchored to the bottom of the North Sea. The film tells the story of the fictitious radio station "Radio Rock" and its deviant disk jockeys broadcasting pop and rock music to the U.K. Throughout the film, the crew aboard are seemingly revolutionary anarchist who use music as a weapon to basically put a finger up to the government, which in turn fuels the persistent endeavour to shut them down. The film itself is slow in parts and some of the writing is not Richard Curtis' best, but Pirate Radio - with all its "meh" and over-the-place structure, possesses a top-draw British cast and a fantastic original soundtrack.

This is England (2006) - decade set: early-80's Thatcher's Britain

Director: Shane Meadows

A burning desire to fit in, belong, be stronger, and taller; all these attributes vex This is England's main protagonist, Shaun - emotionally played Thomas Turngoose. Shaun's father is killed in The Falklands War; a conflict led by at-the-time Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, who was lauded for the unnecessary and ungentlemanly war. At this time, Thatcher was controversially using brute force to break the British Trade Unions and was seen as public enemy No.1 outside of London.

Although This is England has had huge success in Britain, and even had an equally-successful three-part TV mini-series This is England 86, 88 & 90, the film and TV series are still relatively unknown in the US. Take a wild guess at how many Oscar nominations it garnished - answer: zero. Pitiful. The reason for this lack of success 'across the pond' is arguably behind its main plot of concentrating heavily on the tipping point of the rising-English Skinhead culture. The rise of this culture was fuelled by a need to protest against the 1983 governmental stranglehold of The Working Class. What happens at the end of the film, was history in the making; Skinheads became allied with the neo-Nazi National Front and Shaun's desire to belong to a group eventually makes him the one thing he was originally troubled by - a bully, indeed, a racist bully.

Billy Elliot (2000) - decade set: early-80's Thatcher's Britain
Director: Stephen Daldry

Billy Elliot is actually the flip side of the American film Girlfight, which is about a girl who wants to become a boxer, which is opposed by her old-headed father. Billy Elliot is about a young boy (Jamie Bell) forced into boxing lessons, but who wants to be a ballet dancer, which is of course, opposed by his macho father (Gary Lewis) and brother (Jamie Draven), both striking miners,  who equate male ballet dancers with homosexuality, an opinion arguably even shared by Billy himself. The film is set in a 1984 coal mining town in the North East of England and a far cry from any wealth or job opportunities.

Even though the film concentrates heavily on Billy, another focal point is about the father, a supporter of the strike, eventually realises he may have to swallow his pride in order to help Billy achieve his dream, even if that goes against what he believes in. Getting temporary work down 'the pits', at a time when, again, Margaret Thatcher was breaking up the Trade Unions, was seen as a big no-no and anyone working in 'the pits' were referred to as 'scabs'.

Even though there's a whole lot of swearing, which might make some parents fade with the idea of letting their children watch it, Billy Elliot  is the main motivation for this blog piece because, although it's rated 15, it should be watched by people of all ages because of its realism and educational purposes. Also, like Pirate Radio, its soundtrack is top notch, featuring the likes of The Clash and T-Rex.

24 Hour Party People (2002) - decades set: late-70's, 80's and early-90's
Director: Michael Winterbottom

24 Hour Party People is a film about the infamous Manchester music scene, which started with the first legendary Sex Pistols concert in Manchester - a catalyst that sneered to traditional Britain and brought new-wave anarchy to the U.K. The film provides a mix of reality and fantasy, and pushes just far enough in such a funny way no other film has done. Its main character Tony Wilson (Steve Coogan) is the sort of man who is the only person in the room wearing a suit and tie. He sees the future of music with the Sex Pistols and joins with two partners to create Manchester's most important, yet least financially successful recording company, Factory Records. Notable bands sign including Joy Division (renamed New Order after the death of Ian Curtis) and Happy Mondays. Eventually, Factory Records open a rave club in Deansgate, Manchester known as The Hacienda. The club would historically make no money because all the revellers would be so 'drugged-up' before entering, they wouldn't spend a penny once inside. The film also touches on the fact that The Hacienda, a declared "cathedral of music" - with its drug-manic gospel - had a unbeatable atmosphere, but the reality was the great atmosphere was fuelled by ecstasy, not alcohol. This created a new market for drug dealers around Manchester, which would coincidently generate an influx of guns. Drug dealing is a business and what is the main rhetoric of business? To increase the market share and rid the competition - thus creating a late-eighties / early-nineties Manchester that was absolutely 'shitting it' over automatic weapons. The film works because it evokes genuine, not fabricated nostalgia. Its screenplay understands where it was going right, and where it all went wrong (the 1990s). Finally and most importantly, it helps the audience know there is a creative and spiritual city behind all the heavy concentration of Manchester's football teams: "Red or Blue?"

The Full Monty (1997) - decade set: post-steel industrial 90's

Director: Peter Cattaneo

The film's opening scene is of a travelogue of early-1970's Sheffield. It basically showboats the city as a clean metropolis of Europe that will thrive more and more with each year that passes... and then... reality hits. The film then cuts to a deserted and depressing post-industrial Sheffield that was hit hard by the U.K.'s decision to import rather than export. The Full Monty's cast is led by Gaz (Robert Carlyle) and his band of not-so-very merry men, who spend their days 'on the dole' and sat on their arses in the gloomy job centre. Then suddenly, Gaz sees that The Chippendale Dancers are in town and every wife, mother, sister, and daughter have paid top quid to see them. Gaz, being the determined and inventive man that he is, decides to get himself and his troupe on this money-making train of stripping because, let's face it, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Desperation is the undertone of The Full Monty because the unemployed men are seen as a depressing site, and all they want is to do is make the women see them as men again - job or no job. There is one scene in particular where Gerald (Tom Wilkinson), a former middle-class servant - now regular at the job centre - just can not bare to tell his wife about his despairing financial situation, but eventually has to confess all. Throughout the film, the audience will genuinely feel affection for the characters because what they're going through is real and is a result of an industry shutting down and leaving the community stranded. Oh and let's not forget that 'dole queue' scene!

THE WOEFUL WESTERN REMAKES OF ASIAN HORROR

Samara from "The Ring" (2002)

The old-age argument, why fix what's not broken? And for Asian horror films this statement speaks volumes because it was Hollywood and its abundance of money-grabbing production companies that spent a lot of time in the 2000's decade funding Asian classic remakes.

The Asians are without a doubt the masters of horror because (unlike Americanised ideology) they do not set-out to make their audience jump out of their seat. Instead they give a visual representation and understanding of the art that is 'ghost storytelling', and how this complexity is better performed through aspects such as poignancy and to woe audiences rather than solely terrify and mentally-scar them. This better understanding of spirits and all things ghostly is possibly down to cultural traditions of the East compared to the West. Asian culture for example has a better understanding of the soul, which encompasses the Japanese word 'rei', or when translated into English can only best be described as 'ghost'.

"Ju-on" (2002)

Now the main reason why these remakes happen - and unfortunately will continue to happen - is because, we as a Western society disdain subtitles (well most of us anyway) and where has this deep-rooted hatred for subtitles come from? Hollywood of course! Who keep churning out these below-par adapted classics such as the Americanised (but Japanese-set) "The Grudge" (2004), remade from the Japanese supernatural horror feature "Ju-on" (2002).

Now, it's understandably annoying having to read in order to follow what's going on when watching a foreign film, but this subtitle repulsion per se is a problem only we as native English speakers have. Yet throughout the non-English speaking world subtitles are perceived to be a regular occurrence; indeed, in some territories within Asia it is a matter-of-course to see two separate sets of subtitles (Mandarin and Thai, for example) running along the bottom and vertically along the side of the picture. However, American studios are entirely happy to reinforce the western world's 'subtitle phobia', for obvious reasons...

"Shutter" (2004)

But take it from me, I've watched Thai horror "Shutter" (2004) with Chinese subtitles with no English in sight, so what did I do? I watched it and tried to follow the story line as best I could, and you know what? It was one of the best cinema experiences of my life because it explains itself through its imagery alone and I was fine with that - the subtitles weren't needed! It was as if I was about to board a plane at Manchester airport with the words, "Get Britain out of the EU" plastered all over me and I went to Spain and came back drinking sangria with plans to retire in Benidorm. Basically, after all the pessimism, most of us when faced with a 'foreign' culture or language, learn to adapt pretty damn quick. Unfortunately, Like all Asian horror greats over recent years, Hollywood got its hands on Shutter's story line and remade it into the 2008 version of the same title. Comparing the two, whilst the Thai version unfolds gradually in a manner that sneaks up on the viewer, 2008's "Shutter" stumbles and uses gory special effects that seem over-the-top, whilst the original goes for the eerie and disturbing approach. However, the sad realisation is originality doesn't always triumph over adaptation. For example, when comparing the 'Subtitles vs. Remakes' box office figures for the genre-defining "Ringu" (1998) and "The Ring" (2002), it is a very sad tale indeed.

Sadako from "Ringu" (1998)

"The Ring" outperformed its predecessor even though "Ringu" was cheaper, cleverer, is more critically acclaimed, its screenplay makes more sense through its Japanese roots, and crucially, is the scarier of the two. The term 'Yurei', a concept used in "Ringu" (again, a term only present in Asian culture) refers to a vengeful spirit fueled by pain. This key notion was all but glossed over in "The Ring", which created a sense of confusion, rather than fear. 

It would be frivolous to think that the selected analysed few in this article are the only attempts by Hollywood to create a 'nouvelle vague' of Asian hits for the English mainstream market around the time now known as the "unimaginative and ideas-strapped" noughties. 2009's "The Uninvited" was a tedious and insufficient remake of the highest-grossing Korean horror film "A Tale of Two Sisters" (2003), and Danny & Oxide Pang's Hong Kong original frightener "Gin gwai" (2002) would later be reproduced into the more well-known, yet still dull "The Eye" (2008) .

It's Not All Doom and Gloom

In the year 2002, the originally long-titled Japanese horror drama "Honogurai Mizu no Soko kara" was released, which in 2005 would take the form of "Dark Water". Like "Ringu", 2002's "Honogurai Mizu no Soko kara" was rooted in Asian culture and spearheaded through the spine-chilling writings of Koji Suzuki (Japan's answer to Stephen King). It is a film that dramatises natural emotions such as loss and the very real burden of parenthood. These concepts make up the film's heart of which they entwine within its supernatural themes. What's interesting is Walter Salles's "Dark Water" (2005) remake is probably the only work that presents a clear understanding of what is great about the screenplay of the original and shows a respect to Japanese 'kaidan eiga' (ghost-story film), which should be acknowledged because of the varied concepts that stretch from culture to culture in relation to the spiritual world and its relationship to the physical or 'real' world.

2002's "Honogurai mizu no soko kara" (aka "Dark Water")

EERILY SIMILAR FILMS RELEASED AROUND THE SAME TIME

"Antz" & A "Bug's Life" are significant insect-animated films, both released in 1998 by animation studios Pixar and DreamWorks

Now and again Hollywood will throw the viewing audience the same bone twice and then use differing titles as to not confuse us.  Sometimes these films are damn-near identical and other times the story lines are merely suspiciously similar, but enough to make us feel as though we're watching the same film again. No other time was this dubious decision more frequent then from the years of 1997, '98 & '99. The chosen paired-films below were released not just around similar times, but months apart! Strange, no?

Dante's Peak vs Volcano (1997)

Why they're similar: both are natural disaster movies, which have an uncontrollable and imminent volcano eruption as their central conflict. Both main protagonists, Pierce Brosnan (Dante's Peak) and Tommy Lee Jones (Volcano) are equally annoying and can only be described as charisma black holes.

The lesser of two evils: "Dante's Peak" takes place within a small town setting, which rests just under a dormant volcano, so already it was always going to feel like a better movie. Whilst "Volcano" is set in downtown LA, which is just lazy story telling in itself and speaking of lazy, who names a disaster movie, "Volcano"? These generic-ass bullshit titles need to stop.

Antz vs A Bug's Life (1998)

Why they're similar: although they both have different designs of what an ant looks like, the main protagonist in each film is a male ant who just wants to help his fellow colony, but always ends up getting into trouble. The main thesis behind both animated classics is that the colony as a whole soon eventually realise that they are the means of production, thus that it is They who should be in charge; much to the dismay of the main villains.

General Mandible

The lesser of two evils: "A Bug's Life" possesses humour that is more slapstick, whilst "Antz" is more intellectual through its darker colour schemes, un-shied away violence and is generally the more adult themed of the two. You could even go as far as to say that "Antz" could be compared to Nazi Germany (bit excessive, I know, but hear me out). The main antagonist, General Mandible (voiced by Gene Hackman) plans to kill a huge proportion of the ant colony of which he personally deems as "weak". It's got fascism written all over it!

Armageddon vs Deep Impact (1998)

Why they're similar: they're not similar, they're the same. N.A.S.A. (bloody Americans) are alerted that an asteroid is going to impact Earth. Yep, that is the crux of both these films, which were released pretty much around the same time and have been compared and contrasted ever since.

The lesser of two evils: whilst "Armageddon" director Michael Bay is at fault for releasing this 'flag-waving drivel', he is not alone for its unanimous failure. First of all, the title at the beginning explodes for some God unbeknownst reason. Secondly, the film sinks through its piss poor acting by all involved, apart from everyone's fuggly (favourite ugly) supporting actor Steve Buscemi. Finally, the film is rife in cheesy one-liners i.e. "He's got space dementia"... What?!

"Deep Impact" on the other hand spends the majority of its time character-developing on Earth and shows a more realistic version of how people would be reacting to the high possibility of the end of the world, with "Armageddon", spending 90 per cent of its screen time in space. Bay's logic then, "Space = Job One".

Granted "Armageddon" is more entertaining and action packed, but "Deep Impact" just swings it as it's more well-written, however neither are Shakespeare. Plus, Aerosmith - I Don't Want to Miss a Thing just reminds me of school discos and the scramble to find a girl who would remotely stand there and sway with you for an awkward 4 whole minutes. Jesus.

The Matrix vs The Thirteenth Floor (1999)

Why they're similar: these films offer theories to the existence of our world, what reality is and that everything that surrounds us is computer simulated of which is controlled by a higher power.

The lesser of two evils: honestly, both films are great, but obviously "The Matrix" is the more well known and I wouldn't be surprised if some, if not most people haven't even heard of "The Thirteenth Floor".

With a budget of $63 million for "The Matrix" and a lowly $16 million for "The Thirteenth Floor", it is unexpectedly the latter that has stood the test of time visually. Upon release, "The Matrix" without a doubt stunned audiences with its CGI, but what once was ambitious at the time, is now obvious, whilst the more subtle used effects in "The Thirteenth Floor" are still stunning.

However, "The Matrix" is the far superior film because it is a complex, modern adaptation of Plato's allergy of The Cave. Its philosophical theme of whether the world we see could be an illusion completely out-shadows The Thirteenth Floor's safe approach of basing the story development on a murder-mystery plot. "The Matrix" also has an abundance of excellently choreographed fight-scenes, which is one of the reasons I've seen it countless times, whilst I've only viewed "The Thirteenth Floor" with its limited conflicts, but captivating noir-esque element the solitary time.

I like both films plenty and found that "The Thirteenth Floor" asks some unique questions such as, can consciousness emerge digitally? And if so, would we have ethical obligations to digital forms of consciousness? But there is a reason why "The Matrix" is one of the greatest films ever made, because it clearly asks one of the greatest question of all time, "What is real?"

THE VERY BEST OPENING FILM SEQUENCES

And 3... 2... 1... Cue the projector, DVD, Blu-ray, stream, or VHS if you're feeling a little old-school 

We all have our favourite films, and we may have watched them tens of times, but what's important is to retrace why we love that particular flick. Perhaps you started watching a film halfway through and it kept hold of you till the end. However, what's usually the case is a film's either recommended to you or you like the look of the trailer. All this aside, a film has to draw you in and this done with an introduction that 'hits all the notes'.

So here are a few films that I found particularly mesmerising just by viewing the opening scene.

5) Blade (1998) - Blood Rave
Dir: Stephen Norrington

A confident young woman leads a try-hard to a secret rave club, of which he is obviously nervous about, but tries to stay cool. Once within the club, the young man then suddenly gets covered in a heavy sprinkle of blood and realises he is at the centre of a vampire 'blood bath'. As the coven prepares to feast on him, in steps Eric "Blade" Brooks played by Wesley Snipes. What happens next is an array of broken bones, putting silver in anatomical body regions and Blade absolutely tearing the resisting vampires apart, and all this happening with Public Domain - Operation Blade blaring in the background. Better love story than Twilight? It's a slick opening sequence, which sets-up arguably the greatest contemporary vampire film, ever.

4) Star Trek (2009) - The Future Begins
Dir: J.J. Abrams

J.J. Abrams' Star Trek begins in the 23rd century, with the Federation starship USS Kelvin, which is investigating a highly-unusual "lighting storm" in space. From this storm emerges a Romulan ship known as the Narada, which is enormous in size compared to the USS starship. The Narada then, without warning, fires upon the Kelvin and leaves the USS starship's Captain Robau no choice, but to negotiate a cease fire. Once on board the Narada, its Commander, Nero kills Robau after questioning him about "Ambassador Spock", who he has no knowledge about. The Kelvin's first officer, George Kirk orders all personnel to abandon ship, whilst he bravely pilots the Kelvin on a collision course with the Narada. As well as having characteristics of bravery, anger and trickery all in the opening sequence, this scene provides outstanding visual effects, which when first viewed will take your breath away.

3) Men In Black (1997) - The Dragonfly
Dir: Barry Sonnenfeld

Bit of a curve ball here, but Men In Black's (MIB) opening scene is funny and everything that is nostalgic. It is set on what looks to be a warm, calm night on a dark dessert highway (sly nod to The Eagles). A steady build-up score provided by Danny Elfman begins, which is assisted with the visual aid of an energetic dragonfly. Although MIB is about aliens, the fluttering Odonata insect provides a sense of alluring and mystifying escalation, which increases rapidly as the score gathers momentum.

The dragonfly takes one last flight into the moonlight and decides to dangerously weave between oncoming traffic, while all the time the viewer is wondering what the motive of this airborne maverick is. As the music climaxes, the dragonfly sees red and kamikazes itself into the windscreen of a truck, which is aptly ended with, "Goddamn bugs!"

What's interesting about this opening sequence is, as said before, it has nothing to do with the main plot of the film, but it shows how effective, A) correctly using a splash of confusion and B) thinking outside the box can be when luring in audiences.

2) Drive (2011) - The Getaway
Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn

An unnamed driver (Ryan Gosling) stares out of a Los Angeles apartment and gives instructions to a criminal of how he will facilitate only five minutes of his time for a robbery that will be perpetrated. Within those five minutes, the driver will provide a getaway service of the highest caliber. Cue the opening getaway scene.

This scene grabs the audience immediately with a constant, unruffled, Crokett's Theme-esque beat, and American neo-noir motif, all of which is spear-headed by a cool-headed driver who is under the clock. Once the robbery has taken place and the driver's time limit hasn't been breached, he begins to knit and twist between the labyrinth that is downtown LA, whilst perfecting the art of not raising suspicion by professionally, skillfully and uniquely avoiding police detection through listening to a police frequency radio channel.

The opening sequence is sharp and more importantly sterile all in one. This is important because it sets the tone for the remaining ride that the audience are about to be taken on. It's a film about pace and a lack of extraneous elements, which ultimately provides Drive's soul.

1) The Lion King (1994) - The Circle of Life
Dir: Roger Allers, Rob Minkoff

Let's end on a high shall we. Without a doubt, The Lion King provides not just the most awe-inspiring opening sequence, but the most feel good and nostalgic too. With the rising sun and the uniting of animals all heading to welcome the new future king of Pride Rock, it is, still to this day celebrated as being the greatest animated masterpiece by Disney or maybe even of all time. It provides an opening scene that, even with the advances in animated technology over the past twenty years, has still not been surpassed.

No matter what age, whether you've seen it countless times or are lucky enough to experience it first time as a wide-eyed child, it will pull at the emotional heartstrings in all the right places. Its beginning is hypnotic and will forever stand the test of time. The Lion King is an imperfect film that provides waves of brilliance. However, the opening scene in question - with its hard-hitting struck notes and carefully choreographed animals, which don't have a single flaw, slight hoof or even hairline out of place - well, that is perfect.